Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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