does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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