Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
