Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
