wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
