So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
