Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
