I bet he comes in French.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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