Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
