my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
