I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
