i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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