I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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