thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
