Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
