Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Randomize
