I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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