I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
