So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
