so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
