the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
