we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
