my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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