so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He passed out mid-signature
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
