Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
