Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
