worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
