Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
