Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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