guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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