And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
