1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
