And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
