Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
