I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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