Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
