Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
