I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
