you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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