He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just pee around me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
