Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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