I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
