Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
