Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
