I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
