We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
