omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
