Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have aggressive nipples.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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