Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
