i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
