if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
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