whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
