remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
