Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
