I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
