she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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