is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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