called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
