you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
