Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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