Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
