Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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