ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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