dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
