final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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