If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
