Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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