It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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